Why do we write blogs; those that do? What do we want people to do with them? I write for a need to explain my feelings; it helps me to understand myself better; this I understand but why do people read these blogs?
I read other blogs that belong to friends because it gives me insight into their lives; I read blogs from others I do not know but what’s interesting is that I don’t read blogs written by men and I’m not sure why.
Women write emotionally and I am looking to connect with others who share the same maladies as I do but more than that; I look towards their solutions. Someone asked me the other day how I could put myself out there for so many to see; bare myself naked as I do. When you strip away your own frailties; no one else can do this to you.
Many I know look at me with sadness at the death of my son; I get this, especially my closest friends who can still see the sadness in my eyes; but I am not so much as sad as wondering what to do with my emotions. I need new paths for my day to day life and I need new recognition for my newest memories so they don’t get left in the trash heap of life’s underutilized day to day events.
I am reconciling. I am reconfiguring. I am reinventing. I am restarting my heart. I was listening today to a mother and grandmother who lost two boys in the Oklahoma City bombing 20 years ago. One newsman said that his wife mentioned that when his son was born, her heart was now outside of her body. This was one of the most accurate descriptions I have ever heard and felt. That’s why it’s so difficult to address; how can you restart your heart when it’s outside of your body.
Blogging is good therapy but please do me a favor; I am not looking for sympathy in my writing; I am looking to resurrect my life and give it new meaning. Happiness is realizing that I still have a reason to revive my life and my personal meaning; join me in moving ahead…