What a difference a day can make.
After spending three days in a row where I just couldn’t sleep; I
finally found relief, although medicinally induced, in one wonderful night’s
sleep. Now before you get too critical
of my medicinal assistance, I agree with you that medicine is a last resort but
that’s where I was…in my last resort mode.
What causes us to stay awake or to keep getting woken up by minor
irritations? Is it a noise or a noise in
our brains? I have had a lot of time to analyze
my broken or non-existent sleep so let me share a few insights.
It takes very little for me to stay awake reviewing my life’s
errors and there are apparently many according to my midnight reminiscences. What
is the statute of limitations on minor public and private indiscretions that my
brain should not release me from them? I
am not sure why reviewing my personal gaffs should warrant any thinking
time. I have never committed any statutory
practice that would allow legal intervention yet I treat my personal indiscretions
as if they were.
My second most popular awake intervention involves loved ones. Are they really all right? I have two family members with cancer: my eldest sister and my son and how are they
really? Do I know? Who’s next on the disease hit parade? Who
else will I lose soon? Sounds dramatic
but it’s truthful…
My third and final drama of the evening is my future. I need to do something else with my life
right now; something of value instead of just being retired but what? I keep saying I need to volunteer maybe at
the local school. I miss working in
education and I miss the kids but I also like the freedom I feel each day. I enjoy being a housewife personality, no
really I do. I have a luxury now that I
have never known: food shopping during
the work day (very Stepford of me I know).
I enjoy reading recipes, planning meals, thinking about meals (is that
bad). So now I feel like I am wasting my
retirement; sad, isn’t it.
The funny thing is when I see the daylight after a night of angst;
none of these issues bother me. The
monsters disappear when the light of the sun appears so how bad are these
monsters if they are not brave enough to face the day?
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