Day 2

So, here I am writing to myself publicly so I can regain some self respect and teach myself to be nice to me.  I guess it is not so public since no one is following me or really reading me for that matter but that doesn't matter as much as this process does.


So what's so special about me today.  I have been wracking my brain and it's only day 2; what will I do on day 10? eek! 


I am a runner or at least I used to be but I have started again and I am doing pretty well 5-7 miles every other day and I walk the days in between.


I am not fast but like with all things that I do,  I am methodical.  I plan my routes (mostly outside) but occasionally, I go to the treadmill.


I like running; getting totally sweat laden, exhausted.  This process of running actually makes me feel alive.  Running is hard and occasionally (a lot) painful.  I have great sneakers: a pair of Asics gel and a pair of Nike's.  You need to switch shoes every other day or at least that is what I was told long ago.


I stopped running 10 years or so ago for two reasons:  one: my knees were shot (too many surgeries and the doctor told me I could not run and I believed him) and two: I got separated from my best friend, my husband, and I was numb with pain and couldn't function.


The result?  I got fat and gained around 57 pounds.  Horrible.  Once you start to gain weight especially at my age, it comes on like a flood.  


So here I was, alone, fat, and living in a remote area.  You see, once I separated from my husband, I was into the dramatic and desperate; I sold our home; gave him half of everything; had the biggest yard sale ever; bought a condo for him nearby; one for me far, far away near the ocean (on the ocean) and left. I retired from my job of 31 years; went to work in my remote ocean place and cried and ate a lot.


No one came to visit me (I didn't really tell anyone where I was except family and except for my son and my ex; no one came (how sad is that). Well I worked at a bike shop part time (one of my former students gave me the job) and I worked on the house I bought redoing just about everything inside and out (built a garage too) Not by myself but I did a lot myself!


Well I am getting far afield from running.  Anyway,  I stayed there for 2 years, kept the house and moved back to NYC.  My son was living in Manhattan and said , "Mom, you live too far away, come back to the world."  When my son asks, I do, it's as simple as that and since I am a native Noo Yawka, I went...back to Brooklyn where my life began.


NYC hadn't changed but I had.  I started to pull my life together (more later on how that happened) and found a new orthopedist who was also a former student (I have 31 years of students) and he said, "If you want to run, run!"  I did and I am...61 pounds lighter and dare I say, a little bit happier.


Don't let people tell you what you're capable of (or not for that matter).  How many times did I tell students and their families this message but I didn't listen to it myself.  I am starting to believe.  More on Day 3.