Happiness is…a rose by any other name

So, we’re married for one whole week and many people have weighed in on our life changes; friends, family, colleagues, and neighbors; of course when you write a blog, that’s what you should expect.

What I didn’t expect is how many people would vicariously feel the delight and love created by our union. Two lives that have been joined as one based on love and mutual respect. The look on the faces of our friends and family has been incredible; their personal responses; the true tears of joy; the genuine emotion expressed has been staggering.

I am old fashioned and so is Joe.  We knew what marriage meant to us and all marriages are a private affair to some extent; a personal expression of love and respect but the reaction from our close friends and family was astonishing  with barely an exception..

At first some of them were stunned; asking if we were sure about this life change. For Joe and I, there were no reservations but for some others; there were a few caution flags thrown.  Is it too soon after the death of Jeremy? You two are fine as you are; why get married?

It is true that we were fine as we were but we are, in fact, better for our marriage than even I would have expected.

I am in the process of changing my legal name which is a fairly substantial effort.  Once again; most of our community said; you don’t need to do this but that’s not why I am.

In my world and time, when you marry someone; you should give your entire self to him as he has to me.  The small effort of showing that I belong only to him is the least I can do to show my love and affection.

When you truly love someone; that emotion; that feeling is added to your heart in such as way that it doesn’t disrupt your previous loves and life experiences; it enhances them; it rekindles them; there is nothing like the feeling of true love and the smile that goes with it...

Getting married was starting a new chapter in our lives.  It has awakened strong memories; good ones; a rebirth of our lives together; an enhancement of our souls.

My mother always told me that love was never wrong and commitment is the signature of strength and fidelity. So here I am: in my 60's smiling....happiness is marrying Joe.

Happiness is….when your heart is filled to the brim

As many of you know, I was married to Joe yesterday.  We have been together for almost eight years and I have grown to love him with all my heart and soul.  Two weeks ago, he brought me to one of my favorite childhood places in Morgan Park in Glen Cove where I grew up near the beach. I used to call it my castle. He was so filled with emotion when he dropped to one knee and I was stunned and my eyes welled up with tears of joyfulness.

We spoke of marriage in the past but the idea and the ideal seemed far away.  After the death of my son, my soul was filled with “the horrible nothing that all parents feel at the death of their child;” an emptiness almost too difficult to describe; a void that seemed endless. 

There is an old proverb that says, “When your heart is empty; that is the time something wonderful can come into your life and fill your heart with passion and joy if you let it.” 

If walking on air were a reality; I’d been at least ten feet off the ground today.  Although our day to day lives will look very similar to the day to day before we said our vows; we still have changed (for the better.)

The most wonderful part has been the reaction of our friends and family; the outpouring of love; the congratulations; the prayers of love and joy from everyone has been overwhelming.  It’s amazing how this simple act of commitment has engendered such a positive reaction from so many.

When people say marriage is becoming a thing of the past; don’t you believe it!  Marriage is still and will always be the act of true compassion, love, commitment and joy that can be shared by so many.  The joy I feel today is a composite picture of the many encouraging reactions we have seen and heard from others.

Thank you friends and family for being so wonderful in your responses to our news. 

So remember, when your heart is so empty that is the time God can fill it with something special if you let him…just look at me…

Happiness is being married to my Joey.

Happiness is learning to see with your heart…

People ask me how I survive the days post Jeremy; my response is direct and simple: long ago I learned to see things with my heart instead of my eyes.  My heart has grown throughout my life; leading me to unexpected  paths and has taught me how to live on in spite of life's difficulties by immersing myself in life's joys both present and in the past.

You see, my heart always tells the truth but my eyes seem to lie occasionally or so I believe.  For instance, whenever I look in the mirror, I have a hard time reconciling the face I see.  Who is that “older woman” looking back at me? She smiles a lot like I do.  She has wise eyes like I do but she is just a bit different than my heart tells me I am.   

Most of the time, I am  35 in my mind and heart.  It was a good age for me: professionally experienced; personally experienced; and happy with my life.  I was going in the right direction.

Jeremy was 5 then and a most inquisitive and engaging child; fun to be with and distinctly different from me and his dad.  It was exciting to watch him grow and develop.   It was fun to hear him talk about everything; he was prolific!

When Jeremy was born, though, my heart opened in a way I did not quite understand; I started to see with my soul, my emotion; to replace my common ocular experience with a depth I did not yet understand.  My heart became so full of joy; explosive, raging, constantly aware that by the time he was five,   my heart was  my leading ocular device.

When you see with your heart, you feel joy at the smallest detail which may be easily missed by your eyes.  Your heart adds the emotional quotient each time which is like "smellorama" or some such device enhancing the quality of your visual experience. 

Of course, there are a few disadvantages to heart sight:  you feel more of everything but your memories are more vivid and permanent this way. 

Your eyes have learned to ignore so much of life; they are mere catalogers of your daily experience but your heart etches the encounter into your permanent emotional memory where it is stored for display for the remainder of your life. 

Your joys are brighter and your sadness may be more difficult to withstand at times but the value of human life etching is essential to personal growth and in maintaining your “humanness” and joy throughout your life despite the challenges thrown your way.

So I say, see with your heart…you’ll say "thanks for the permanently etched memories."