Sunday, September 23, 2012

To sleep, perchance to dream….


What a difference a day can make.  After spending three days in a row where I just couldn’t sleep; I finally found relief, although medicinally induced, in one wonderful night’s sleep.  Now before you get too critical of my medicinal assistance, I agree with you that medicine is a last resort but that’s where I was…in my last resort mode.

What causes us to stay awake or to keep getting woken up by minor irritations?  Is it a noise or a noise in our brains?  I have had a lot of time to analyze my broken or non-existent sleep so let me share a few insights.

It takes very little for me to stay awake reviewing my life’s errors and there are apparently many according to my midnight reminiscences. What is the statute of limitations on minor public and private indiscretions that my brain should not release me from them?  I am not sure why reviewing my personal gaffs should warrant any thinking time.  I have never committed any statutory practice that would allow legal intervention yet I treat my personal indiscretions as if they were.

My second most popular awake intervention involves loved ones.  Are they really all right?  I have two family members with cancer:  my eldest sister and my son and how are they really?  Do I know?  Who’s next on the disease hit parade? Who else will I lose soon?  Sounds dramatic but it’s truthful…

My third and final drama of the evening is my future.  I need to do something else with my life right now; something of value instead of just being retired but what?  I keep saying I need to volunteer maybe at the local school.  I miss working in education and I miss the kids but I also like the freedom I feel each day.  I enjoy being a housewife personality, no really I do.  I have a luxury now that I have never known:  food shopping during the work day (very Stepford of me I know).  I enjoy reading recipes, planning meals, thinking about meals (is that bad).  So now I feel like I am wasting my retirement; sad, isn’t it.

The funny thing is when I see the daylight after a night of angst; none of these issues bother me.  The monsters disappear when the light of the sun appears so how bad are these monsters if they are not brave enough to face the day?

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