Happiness? what the hell is it?

OK,  I'm 59, a well educated female, in a secure relationship with a great man; have a fabulous son; good relations with my ex; living as a snow bird in NYC and Florida; have my own business which I started myself and am semi retired, so why aren't I happy?


I have been told that I am a good person; nice looking for my age.....; healthy and yet...I have a louder voice in my head that says "bad things" to me, can you imagine, me, this wonderful accomplished person of faith (I might add).


I was once told by a reputable therapist that happiness can only be attained from within.  I recently watched the movie "Julie & Julia" and cried at the end. I do that too often I'm told.  Good movie yes, but what I got from the flick was that Julia Child did not like this young woman doing a blog and cooking herself to oblivion in homage to her. That's what I got?  Not all of the wonderful other things?


This is my problem.  My brain zeros in on the negative in all situations but mostly for me; to others I am overpoweringly positive to a point where I am disingenuous. 


So this is my challenge.  For one year, yes I stole this from the movie no kidding; I am going to find one wonderful thing to say to myself each day.  It is going to be honest, authentic and I promise not to cheat.  Today is day one.


I'm really good at cleaning.  Whenever I get upset,  I clean (I've got a really clean house).  But the thing  is I'm honestly good at it: especially the laundry.  I have boasted to myself on occasion that I can get any stain out of any piece of washable fabric.Now this is not a skill I speak much about to anyone because really who cares about laundry but I get great satisfaction from it, is that wrong?


I calculate the soapage, my word (I invent lots of words, you'll see), the right blend of fabric solvents, very Mr Wizard of me, isn't it?  I check the washing machine multiple times throughout the process even though that is ridiculous because what can I really see? bubbles? spinning? and when those chimes go off (what your machine doesn't have chimes, pity) I cannot wait to separate out the pieces that needed my special touch to see the results of my efforts.  Too often what we do goes unnoticed by others, we get no street cred, so to speak.  This is what I am going to change for myself...I want my head to credit me with some success everyday, is that too much to ask???


If we truly get satisfaction from what we accomplish, then laundry is my billowed sail for today. You probably know that I am doing the laundry right now and that it is not a coincidence my friends.  (My friends, hmmm. I'll probably never be speaking to anyone but myself on this blog but that, too, is OK since, I'm the one that needs convincing of my personal value...