The older I get, the more I need my space, my personal space. Crowds, even small ones (is that an oxymoron?) are difficult for me to navigate and I find my patience wearing thin as I try. What is it about some people that they seem to have no understanding of my needs? What about their personal space, don’t they have requirements as well?
I am a born and bred city girl, the city, NYC, so why aren’t I conditioned to accepting the wall to wall people banging into my shoulders as I walk the walk? My personal space is my real estate that travels with me wherever I go and it’s not for sale. When I allow you to enter my space, it means that we have a relationship; you are invited and it should not be an accidental encounter. The closer you get, the more intimate the space is and the more uncomfortable I get for those bounders who enter uninvited.
It is disconcerting to me that no one besides me seems to mind. A friend of mine told me that some people have no personal boundaries and so I did a little investigation.
It appears that each culture has their own sphere of space that is acceptable to them and mine is widening as the days go on. In some cultures, people prefer to be close as they talk, very close. I like to watch a person’s face when they speak to me and if they are too close, I naturally pull back. Does that make me look standoffish? With other cultures, there seems to be a lot of touching as they communicate regardless of personal familiarity. I am a “toucher” as I talk but only to people I have a predetermined relationship with of course.
It has been documented that people in crowded cultural communities have less sensitivity to personal space such as those in large crowded cities like New York and in countries like India. Interestingly enough, affluent individuals require more personal space regardless of culture. Does money afford you that extra legroom?
My psychological bubble is supposed to be 18-32 inches for intimate encounters according to scientists (an arm’s length). My stranger space distance is supposed to be 4 feet to 8 feet so I guess I see my problem. Where in NYC am I going to find 4 feet plus to walk without encountering strangers in my intimate space?
I just would like people to begin to develop a spatial empathy or responsiveness so they can be conscious as they walk down the street before they smash into me knocking me aside. Or perhaps they could simply acknowledge crashing into me with a nod, or some other humanistic response; that would help. Am I asking too much? If they did, it would make me happy…
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