Day 73: The definition of success: the achievement of intention

I’ve heard how people define themselves by speaking about their successes or failures with measured details.  There is, of course, a distinct correlation between our success/failure rate and how we see ourselves (and our happiness quotient), at least there is for me.

Long ago someone told me that I would never be successful and that first person then became a part of a long succession (no pun intended) of individuals that seemed to think it was their job to tell me likewise. In retrospect, they all seemed to have one common characteristic; they appeared to be my friends, my guidance gurus, or my go to person.

First, my school counselor told me and my weeping mother (too bad she believed him) that I would never hold a 9 to 5 job and I better learn some secretarial skills for part time work.  Well actually he was right; being an educator is a 24 hour a day job and there were a lot of “secretarial” skills involved in the job.  Subsequently, a family member told me I could never be considered successful no matter what I did in the future because I chose a job that did not pay well, teaching, and to be successful you needed to make money, lots of it. Is that in the definition? 

Following this episode, there were numerous people that filed past me in life who told me I could never… (You fill in the blank).  Each time these individuals felt the need to define my life for me and draw the boundaries of my personal limitations, I felt the hairs on the back of neck rise up and realized that I was adamant about succeeding and rose to meet the challenge and prove them wrong.  What was confusing, in retrospect ,was that there were so many people who wanted to advise me about what I was incapable of in life rather than the reverse.

I recognize that part of my problem was that I was a “girl” and women did not have the right to consider achieving certain goals as I was growing up.  Even though I always wanted to be a teacher (and that is a fact), I remember there being only two choices for occupations for women anyway:  education and nursing in the 50’s and 60’s.

Now I realize something that took nearly a lifetime to understand:  I could have been anything I wanted to; I have the ability, the drive, and the common sense necessary.  But back then, there were no choices, and in fact, there were people standing in my way throwing verbal blockades at me saying, why bother, you’re just going to get married and have children anyway (like that was a dead end to life or the only conclusion to my world).

How is success defined?  I like to use sports as the model for success.  In baseball, to determine your batting average, you get rated on the percentage of times you hit the ball safely and get on base per “at bats”; this means that if you are batting .500 (almost inconceivable) and a top off the charts athlete; you have gotten on base with hits 50% of the time.  In banking, you only need to be solvent for a three year period to be successful. In some fields, you can be successful as the salesman of the month.  But how should I define success for me and others like me; the average people in this world?

I tried, I won, I lost… but more importantly, I tried: the achievement of intention.  Most people are afraid to try; afraid to even make an attempt for fear that others with their recriminations are waiting in the wings to chastise them for even trying and not being perfect.  I, on the other hand, am prouder of my attempts than of some of my traditional successes.  I am not afraid to fail.  I am unabashedly unafraid of trying almost anything. The only regret I may have in failure is if I did not learn something from it (right away at least).

Trying necessitates a bit of bravery I think.  Putting yourself out there for others to comment on requires bravery or at least bravado of a sort.  My problem is, I don’t think there is anything that I cannot do.  This may sound like bragging to some but it’s not.  It is just that if I put my mind to it, do the research necessary and if the situation is somewhat in my control, I could do it.  Obviously, I could not do some things like become a doctor of medicine since I am past the age limit in all 50 states (pity) but let’s be practical here since I am talking about real life.  I am a master of the achievement of intention…I can try and if I can try, I might just succeed and if I succeed, even in a small way, I’m happy.